Wedding | Alex & Ben

The Anti-Bride
Jul 29
8 min read

Tell us a little about yourselves!

We met 12 years ago in London working in a pub during our last year at university and not long after meeting got together. After 10 years Ben finally popped the question at home by spelling Will You Marry Me in floating letters in the bath. An inside joke, but in a nutshell, it was not quite the large scale, floating buoys in the sea production Ben had envisioned looking down on from the Amalfi coast. In Alex’s eyes, it was better.

Why did you decide to get married where you did?

Alex’s parents have lived in France for a while now and we knew we wanted a weekend celebration, it always made sense to do it there. When it came to finding a venue Alex typed in ‘Conde Nast Vogue Bergerac Chateau’ into Google and the first thing to come up was Chateau de La Bourlie. Ha! That was that, we didn’t view anywhere else. It was the perfect backdrop for our 3 day wedding celebration and it really leant into the classic meets modern aesthetic we were after. Besides the chateau being absolutely breathtaking, the grounds and layout allowed us to spread out the wedding day and weekend across different areas, keeping guests on their toes and not knowing where they would be guided next.

How many guests did you have?

We had 80 guests in total across the full weekend and 44 guests slept at the chateau across the main chateau, converted barns and bell tents.

What was your budget?

We tried to be reasonable with keeping on top of the budget throughout the planning, especially as we were hosting a 3 day wedding! Our goal was for guests to have the best experience and for us include as many of our must haves for the special day.

Tell us about your outfits.

Alex went to a few bridal appointments at the beginning of the process and didn’t find the experience to be as amazing as everyone makes it out to be.

I had expected to put the dress on and just know it was the dress. This was not the case, dresses are either too big or too small, you’re either clipped in or have the zip half undone whilst wearing a communal heel that you cannot walk in to save your life. There was also a lot of pressure from sales assistants to purchase early. The idea of making a decision on something so pricey and then not seeing it again until closer to the wedding was unsettling too.

I then saw a dress on Instagram that someone had made bespoke for them and begun to explore this as an option. A friend recommended someone and that’s when I met Bernie Carty and Micah Hone. Across 7 months we got together for fabric discussions (many!), measurements, prototyping and fittings. The process allowed me to have full visibility and control on how the dress would look and feel, and tailor to myself right up to our last fitting. I miss being drawn on, lol. They both made me feel so comfortable throughout the experience and I couldn’t recommend this route or them enough if you’re struggling to find the perfect dress. Bernie and Micah also supported with other elements for my look, whether it be creating the neck scarf for dinner, taking in my opera gloves and securing my late night dress to avoid a nip slip. Dream team!

Ben purchased his suit at the very last minute. Classic.

What was the most important aspect for you, in terms of planning your wedding?

We wanted to make the most of the weekend and have fun. Our guests also had travelled far and spent money to celebrate with us, so it was important to us that they did too.

Ben is an Ops Director for a pub company so good food, booze and music were key. For Alex, working in design and production meant that attention to detail was important and everything needed to look stunning. Perfect partnership really.

Were there any elements that were important for you to incorporate?

We’d read in a few places and been told not to waste time and money with the small details, but this was super important to us to incorporate to make the day more authentic to ourselves.

Some of the details were bespoke matches and cigarettes on trays went down very well. Our late night bar included Scampi Fries on silver trolleys, which took up most of our luggage allowance. My mother spent most of the year scouring France’s brocantes for silver trays and dishes. Alex spent the days leading up to the wedding artworking individual food menus.

Do what you want to do and try ignore the chatter. Just make sure you allow enough time for these bits, as it did take time.

Any tips for couples getting married?

It’s stressful planning a wedding, do what you can to relieve some of this or to make the process easier. We had a planner, something we would definitely recommend, especially if doing an abroad wedding or if you have a busy schedule. It was good to have someone push us through the key milestones of the planning.

Divide and conquer between the two of you and set times/day to plan and work on it.

Costs ramp up at the end, eg. staffing, more props etc - so do keep a contingency a side.

Suppliers - lock in asap. We were lucky with ours but it’s nuts how in advance people get booked up. You will find alternatives but if there is someone you are set on using lock them in as soon as you have a date.

Weather - if you want to have an outside wedding make sure you would be happy with what the Plan B would be with that venue. Besides the late night dancing area, our whole wedding across the 3 days was outside, welcome drinks, all meals, ceremony, cocktail hour, Sunday pool party and hog roast etc. The wedding day consisted of us moving through 7 different areas, again all outside. This was our idea from the beginning and we loved created a narrative throughout the day with new backdrops for each scene.

However this would have been a completely different wedding if it had rained and the lack of indoor space at the venue would have meant increased costs for tents or a rather static experience in the late night dancing area surrounded by disco balls at dinner. We were extremely lucky with the weather but this was a slight oversight on our side when booking the venue and throughout the process had our heads in the sand on the scenario that it may rain!

Stick together. A few friends said the day goes so quickly and it’s important to stay together and soak it all in. A few times throughout the day we took ourselves off and looked back at our friends and family enjoying themselves. A special moment after all the time planning and stress to see it all come together.

Are there any vendors that you would like to tell us a little more about?

Our photographer, Marie Malandain was amazing. Her style of photography was exactly what we were after, her work has a wonderful balance of capturing real moments whilst also looking very editorial. She did a mix of digital and film. When viewing the pictures our guests have all commented that they don’t remember the photographer being there, she’s super discreet but still manages to get the shot!

We were keen not to stage any shots and the confetti throw line up was quickly squashed from our side and rather keep it to whatever happened in the moment after walking down the aisle. The photos came out perfect. Instead of running off for an hour and missing out on our cocktail hour for our couple shots, we kept this more ad-hoc with Marie and rather throughout the full day took 5 mins in all the different areas we were in across the day to get some shots together. Marie would see something that looked good for a backdrop, or the light may have been getting good and she’d say this would be great for a shot. It’s meant we have a wide selection of couple shots during all the different moments of the wedding day that is really special.

Our cake was made by Wooden Spoon b Cora Lee and was absolutely delicious. You would have not believed that it was her first time that she had made a giant Millefeuille. It had a deliciously creamy vanilla bean custard made with her own duck eggs. We then poured berries on top ourselves and served up in silver coupes. Nearby was a tower of cheese and dessert wine.

Agnus at Agnès Laye Fleurs was one of the earlier suppliers we locked in. I didn’t need to look at other florists after seeing her instagram and speaking to her on a call. What was meant to be a short intro call ended up being a 80 minute call bouncing ideas off one another and discussing all aspects of the wedding. She has a great eye and we were on the same page aesthetically. With the florals, we wanted something a bit more modern to contrast some of the more classic elements across the wedding and venue. Structure of the flowers and arrangements were key to drive this - whether it be the smoke bush down the aisle or the moss bases for the waves of dark purple Cala Lilies on the dinner tables. For the bridesmaids I wasn't keen on bouquets and we discussed a couple of options here before landing on a super cool silver ring with cascading dark carnations. This looked great against their different shaded green dresses and the same flowers were used for garlands on poser tables. My bouquet was a mixture of Amaranthus, Calla Lilies and Molucella constructed on a silver ring to hold as a bag style bouquet too. When we got to dinner in the large courtyard, all bouquets were hung on random nails or corners of the stone outside the little chapel which looked super cute too.

Oyster Boat -Who doesn’t want a boat full of oysters at their wedding? Great set up on day and guests loved this. They were really fresh from Archachon.

Outside of the wedding day catering we also had some amazing meals by a few other suppliers we wanted to call out. Rebecca Lea at Hog Roasts France served us a wonderful mixed BBQ and salads on the Friday evening and during our pool party on the Sunday served the most delicious hog roast. Great set up too, highly recommend. Then towards the end of the night on the Sunday we had Le Tube (pizza van) come which was a nice touch too, again super yummy and set up really easy as they just drive in and serve.

Lastly Lea Jane Events, our planner, was brilliant and was there all steps of the way supporting us bringing this together and recommending some of her best suppliers. She knows the venue super well too so all her experience from the past made it super beneficial to have her on board.