Before Ben and I got engaged we had discussed marriage like many couples, I suppose. In these conversations we spoke about what type of ring I liked in terms of shape (and no surprises it wasn't a princess cut.) Ben was quite set that he would spend X amount and I guess felt a certain amount of pressure around that. That pressure definitely didn't come from me but he felt strongly that he didn't want to be perceived as a 'tight ass' - his words! On the other hand, I used to joke that I would be happy with a Cheezel and quite frankly was uncomfortable with the thought of him spending a lot of money on a ring.
When Ben proposed (on a snowy morning at sunrise in a town in the Swiss Alps - for all you romantics out there), he proposed with the ring that had belonged to his mum. The shape was not that shape I had mentioned but a vintage ring from the early 70's with a gorgeous claw. In the same breath that he asked me to marry him he reiterated that his mother's ring was simply just a 'fill in' ring, until I chose the exact ring I wanted. He was nervous about spending a lot of money on I ring that I wouldn't like.
I think the proposal planted the seed for The Anti-Bride. I am definitely quite particular in terms of everything aesthetic and I know what I like. The ring I would have chosen I would have absolutely loved, I'm sure. However, given that Ben had just proposed with the most meaningful piece of jewellery imaginable, how on earth could I even contemplate getting another ring? I think that moment made me think long and hard about what was truely important to me - and having a certain shaped ring was certainly not. Ben trusted me with his mum's ring and was given with his sister's blessing. All those things that are supposedly meant to be important when getting an engagement ring really are not. I have no clue how big the diamond is or what the ring is worth in financial terms - and quite frankly I couldn't care less. It's value has nothing to do with either of those things and I'm just really grateful for every day that I wear get to wear it.